


The Stars Between Us

by FairDrea



Category: Biker Mice From Mars
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Interspecies Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2019-09-29 17:11:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17207522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairDrea/pseuds/FairDrea
Summary: Continuation of A Davidson Thanksgiving. Cassie, Charley's sister, is haunted by Stoker's memories after opening up her mind to him and taking a walk through his in return. With Stoker back on Mars, Cassie relies on Vinnie to help her quiet the demons while trying to sort out the mess she's made of her own life. Unfortunately, her road to her own personal hell is paved with good intentions. And when an old enemy shows his face, it's Cassie's past she'll have to rely on for survival. Rated for language, adult situations and eventual smut.





	1. Chapter 1

Book Two: The Stars Between Us

Chapter One

Cassie Davidson sat with her hands wrapped around the cup of coffee her sister Charley had refilled for her, heat blasting against her feet and calves from the vent under the cupboards. Her eyes felt like someone had replaced the lids with sandpaper that scratched her eyes every time she blinked, her head was pounding and all she wanted to do was sleep.

But every time she closed her eyes, she was standing in the middle of a blood soaked battlefield, screams and explosions filling her ears, fellow soldiers falling on either side of her. Or she was laying on a cold steel table with some terrifying creature looming over her, a scalpel in its hand, operating on her without offering the luxury of anesthesia. Or she was kneeling besides a fallen soldier, trying to breath life into him, blood soaking her clothing, sleeves pushed up to her elbows as she did chest compressions, screaming as they pulled her away from the body, as they told her there was nothing she could do. And more. So much more.

The line between reality and Stokers memories was so painfully thin that she couldn't tell which side she was navigating. All she knew was that she was doing a poor job of said navigating.

Charley had told her so much about her three martian companions and how they'd come to be on earth, the memories they had shown her and how those memories had been responsible for several sleepless nights, countless tears and every now and then, the occasional one-drink-too-many to silence them.

The only thing she felt in the wake of taking in everything Charley had to say was mild relief that she didn't have to keep it to herself.

Cassie looked down at the coffee, suddenly wishing it was spiked. She hadn't had an opportunity to drink much of anything at her parents house, having packed up and snuck out of the house without saying goodbye shortly after 11:30pm. The idea of numbing her mind with alcohol was so appealing her mouth nearly watered at the thought.

Charley came back in the kitchen, giving her a sympathetic smile. Modo wasn't far behind. He came around Charley and pulled a chair over.

"Called my bros and they should be over in a bit but ah...Stoker took off last night. How are you feelin'?" he asked, the concern in his eyes making her feel more emotion than she wanted to.

"I'm...tired. Really tired."

He nodded. "Yeah, that's not surprisin'. But you're not feelin' sick or like anything's gone missin'? Memories, things you just know in general?"

Cassie shook her head. "No. I still feel like me. Stoker warned me of what could happen. I was more focused on that than what I might find out."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry. Stoker shouldn't have-."

"No," Cassie quickly stopped him. "I pushed him to do it. He really didn't want to but I wouldn't drop it. I'm the one who asked if it could go both ways."

Modo frowned. "Even so, ma'am. Stoker knew what just letting it go the one way could do. Lettin' it go both ways like that-."

A sharp pain circled Cassie's skull and she winced, gripping her head between her hands. "Please," she begged in a whisper.

Modo snapped his mouth shut and immediately looked apologetic. "Right. Sorry, ma'am. Throttle's got an idea to help you sort through the mess. Won't get rid of anything, but you should be able to sleep at least."

"I'll take it."

The roar of engines intruded upon the quiet ten minutes later. Voices replaced the drone of the engines when they cut off and Throttle and Vinnie rounded the corner moments later. Vinnie's gaze was automatically on her, sympathetic but under that was a reluctance she didn't quite understand.

She didn't have much time to think on it. Throttle was beside her not even a moment later, crouching down and taking one of her hands. "Hey, Cass."

She tried to smile. "Hey, Throttle."

"How far did he let you in?"

"I'm going to go with all the way. I don't think he meant to but um...it wasn't one sided. I think my memories distracted him."

Throttle pulled a chair over, nodding to Vinnie who did the same, sitting to her right. "What makes you think he let you all the way in?"

"He wouldn't tell me what happened to his tail when I asked about it. But I know exactly how it happened now. And I'm guessing suicidal binge drinking isn't a shareable topic either."

Throttle swore under his breath, shaking his head. "Are you having any problems recalling your memories?"

"Not that I can tell, no."

"Not that you can tell?"

Cassie gave him a dry look. "Stoker's memories are really loud."

"Right. Sorry." He cut a glance at Vinnie that caused the white furred Martian to sigh. "We might have a way of getting those to quiet down a bit."

"Why does Vinnie look sick about it?"

"Because he is," Vinnie answered. He ignored Throttles warning glare, taking Cassie's other hand. "I ah...lost someone I really...really loved after this whole mess happened." He gestured to his face. "I wasn't in a good place after that happened. Made a lot of...really awful decisions. One night I was drinkin' way too much with this woman I knew nothin' about. I was already fall-down-drunk when she found me. Too drunk to realize she was just as strung out on some kind of drug as I was on booze. Once she got me close to passing out, she went for my mind. Turns out she had an obsession with all the war stuff. Loved seeing the blood and death. You can't just walk into someone's mind like that, though. She had to open it up both ways. I was too drunk to stop her so I got a healthy dose of her trauma in the exchange. It ahh...put my shit in perspective real quick."

He paused to draw in a shaking breath. Modo clapped a large hand on his shoulder in a silent show of support and Vinnie nodded once. Judging from the tension both were showing, Cassie knew she wanted nothing to do with whatever Vinnie was hanging onto from this woman's past.

"It almost did me in - having that mess added to my own. If Modo and Throttle hadn't tracked me down when they did, I doubt I'd be sittin' here talking to you right now."

"So are you just telling me this so that I can see that living like this is doable?" Cassie asked, feeling her heart sink. Unlike Vinnie, Cassie was no war hero. She'd been considerably sheltered in comparison. There was no way she could live with what was happening in her head right now.

"No. There's a way around it. You see, there was this guy...Carbine actually introduced me to him. Completely unconventional with his treatments and they were seriously controversial. A lot of soldiers, Stoker included, wouldn't even bother with him but where I was at...I'd do just about anything to get out of my own mind. It was time consuming and I could tell the guy was gettin' worn out."

"Worn out doing what?"

"He basically took a walk through my mind, locked up the monsters and threw away the keys."

Cassie frowned. "So, what? You're going to take me to this guy?"

"He died two years ago," Throttle said.

"Turns out it's hard to live a nice, long life when your constantly locking up the nightmares of others," Vinnie tacked on. "But after he helped me out, I asked him to show me how to do it. Thought it would come in handy some day and if he wasn't around if my nightmares ever got loose, I wanted to know what to do. Took about a year and a half but I caught on."

"You can do that? For me?"

Vinnie nodded. "Sure can. You going to be okay with lettin' another one of us in there?" he asked, tapping her head lightly with a fingertip.

Cassie balked at that. One had been more than enough. But she was desperate to quiet her mind. "I don't know. Is it going to hurt me? Or you?"

"No on both counts. I've only done this twice before and nothing about 'ol Stoke's life is going to surprise me any."

Cassie managed a genuine smirk and raised an eyebrow. "Nothing, huh?"

Vinnie returned her smile. "Now I'm curious. Let's get to work! Charley-girl, spare room free?"

Charley nodded. "Grab an extra blanket out of the hallway closet. Cass, your stuff in the car?"

"Yeah. Everything I had at mom and dad's." She stood, her exhaustion making her lightheaded while weighing down every other part of her. It was a miracle she'd even made it to Chicago without falling asleep behind the wheel. "When I'm through this-."

Charley cut her off, hugging her tightly. "You're staying here, with me. We'll get you a better job, you won't be alone. You'll be with family and friends."

Cassie looked to the three Martians around them, each nodding in agreement. She blinked back the tears obscuring her vision. Their acceptance was something she'd craved since the moment she'd taken on life by herself. It had been frustrating - wanting acceptance but never letting anyone in - an odd brand of self-sabotage that she couldn't seem to help. Women hadn't liked her much because of her approach to men which made friendships that meant something unattainable.

She tightened her arms around Charley. "Thanks, sis."

"Of course."

After hastily wiping away tears, Cassie followed Vinnie out of the kitchen, through the living room and down a short hallway with two bedrooms on either side at the end. He stopped to pull a thick quilt from the closet across from the bathroom, handing it to her. "Want another?"

"One's fine, thanks. So, ah...how's this going to work exactly?"

They went into the room to the left. It was cozy, not small, a double bed taking up most of the room with a side table tucked between the bed and wall. Early morning sun filtered through the small opening between the curtains, dust motes dancing lazily in the light.

"Um...get comfortable, babe. I'm gonna go snag a chair. Well, unless you wanna get snuggly," he finished with a half-grin.

She appreciated his attempt to lighten the situation. "At ease, soldier. Or should I say mud-puppy?"

Vinnie groaned. "Great. Just great. The sooner we lock up some of that stuff, the better."

He left and Cassie turned towards the bed. She toed off her flats, climbed under the thin, summer quilt, then pulled the extra blanket over herself. More than anything, she wanted sleep. She wanted the warmth to lull her away to a place where the nightmares couldn't touch her. For the millionth time, she wished she would have thought over Stokers offer a little more carefully, maybe listened to his warnings instead of assuming she could handle everything he'd gone through. Did he even know that he'd let her in as far as he had? For some nagging reason, she didn't think he did.

Vinnie returned with a folding chair and set it up next to the bed, dropping into it with another uncharacteristic sigh.

"You really don't want to do this, do you?" she asked.

"Nah. It's not that. It's just...my own hang ups with what happened to me. Keeping my own shit locked up while locking up someone else's stuff gets tricky. I can do it but I'm gonna take my time. I'll go after the dark stuff, get enough of it shut away so you can get some rest. But keeping it locked up...it's gonna take some time, doll. It's not a one night deal. I can't even guarantee that you'll make it through the night without something slipping loose."

Cassie tucked a fistful of blanket under her chin. "Then what?"

"We'll stick around. The first several hours are usually the iffy ones. It gets better after that. If somethin' happens, I'll be here to help out. Sound good?"

She hummed an affirmative and watched as he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on the bed. "Hand?"

"Hm?"

"Gimme your hand."

Cassie slipped it out from under the bedding and closed her fingers around his palm. "Don't you need to use...um...those for the whole mind walking thing?" she asked, nodding up to his antennae.

"Yeah. Holding your hand should help keep me grounded, though. Not like I'm plannin' on gettin' lost or anything but...well, it's been a while since the last time I did this."

"Vinnie, are you sure?" She started to pull her hand away and he closed his tightly around it.

"Yeah. I got this. Just because it's been a while doesn't mean I forgot how to do it. Now, scoot over here a bit, lay back and just relax, okay?"

She tried. Truly she did. But as he closed the distance between them, relaxation seemed impossible.

"Cass," Vinnie said softly, his fingertips brushing her cheek, "I'm not going to hurt you. Promise. Stoker would kill me if I did."

Tears threatened again and she turned towards him. Every instinct she had was commanding her to grab him, to drag him into bed and find oblivion in sex. It was taking just as much to fight that urge as it was to still the madness of war rattling in her brain. "Okay, go for it. Just...hurry."

"Cass, what-?"

She begged with her gaze, praying she wouldn't have to put into words what she was thinking. "Old habits die hard, Vin."

The clueless look faded, understanding lighting his eyes and he swept a hand into her hair, closing the remaining distance between them. Cassie closed her eyes against the invasion, expecting it to be much the same as when Stoker had entered her mind. Stoker had been such a dominating presence and she'd been willing and open to having him in her mind. She'd invited him in without a second thought.

With Vinnie, it was much different. He was cautious, skirting around the edges of her subconscious, waiting for her to accept him. She could feel him there. Hesitantly, she closed her eyes, afraid her mind would be flooded with his memories. Instead, everything stilled. The chaos, the noise, the visions of war….it all just...stopped. She let out a breath, twisting her hand and twining her fingers through Vinnie's. Warmth slowly started to seep through her, touching the chilled areas. One dreadful memory after another started to fade into obscurity, not entirely gone but dimmed like the lights her dad had installed in the living room when he'd bought a big screen television and her mother had insisted on getting lighting that made her feel like she was in a movie theater.

"Cass-."

She opened her eyes to see Vinnie smiling down at her, looking as exhausted as she felt.

"Is that...are you done?"

He nodded. "For today, yeah. Got as much as I could before I got too tired. I hope it was enough."

She rolled onto her back and glanced at the window, surprised to see the lack of sunlight. "What time is it?"

"Little past three in the afternoon," he answered, easing away from her and slouching in the chair.

"Three in the afternoon? That didn't even feel like-."

"A couple minutes? I know. It'll take longer when I start fine tuning the process. And you'll be more aware of the time then. Should probably take up some heavy coffee drinking. How ya feelin'?"

Cassie stared up at the ceiling, searching her mind. Though there were some unpleasant memories, a majority of them were calm, happy or mundane moments. Things that didn't terrify her in the slightest.

"I think…I think I'm okay. Tired...but everything's much more quiet," she said.

Vinnie nodded. "Awesome. Now, don't read too far into this...but move your ass over. I'm whipped and I'm pretty sure we could both use a nap right now."

She wouldn't argue with him. Now that he was out of her head, she felt like she actually could sleep and having him nearby was more than just a little tempting. She had yet to wake up from any nightmares and the idea of being subjected to one when she was most vulnerable terrified the hell out of her.

"I know it's gonna be hard," Vinnie said as he crawled into bed beside her, ducking under the covers when she lifted them, "but try to keep your hands off me."

She scoffed, rolling her eyes and turning on her side to face away from him. "I'll try my best." With his added warmth and the comfort of having him nearby, she snuggled further into the pillow and welcomed sleep. With any luck, she'd be out before he even started snoring.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassie adjusts to having Vinnie in her head and accepts Charley's offer to move in, not that she had much of a choice in the matter.

_He felt trapped in his own mind, watching himself act on behalf of the Plutarkian's without being able to do a damn thing about it. He raged against the mind control, fought the mental restraints they'd forced on him and when he turned his weapons on his own people, thoughtlessly erasing them without hesitation, he wanted to be sick. Harley had stopped him, but not before the damage was done. Not before he saw the fear and betrayal in the eyes of his actual comrades. Not before he'd shed their blood._

_He'd held a gun on Harley, so dangerously close to ending her. And then she hauled off and cracked him a good one, snapping his head back with the force of her blow. It was enough to jerk him out of whatever mind control he was under and he turned back just in time to see Harley coming at him again, fist cocked and ready._

_"Woah, Harley! It's me! Stop!"_

Cassie awoke with a start, Stoker's rough command ringing faintly in her head. The room was dark and almost silent aside from the light snoring coming from beside her. She turned to the source and smiled. Vinnie lay beside her on his stomach, his face shoved in the pillow and mouth agape. She shifted her weight to get out of bed and his head popped up as if someone had shot a gun.

Cassie quickly stifled a giggle. "Easy there, Rookie," she murmured, pulling her knees up to hug them and resting her chin on them.

He shook his head a bit to clear it of sleep and glared at her. "You need to stop doing that."

"But it's so fun!"

"Yeah. For you." He flopped back down, rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his face. "Everything okay?"

Cassie shrugged. "Yeah. Just hungry. I'm going to go find some food. You want to come with?"

"Nah. I'm still feelin' pretty drained, babe."

Cassie frowned. "If this is normal-."

"Quit," he cut her off. "Didn't get much sleep last night so I didn't exactly go into this thing rested. And I'm a lazy ass by nature. It'll be fine, Cass. Don't worry. Just go get some food."

She tried once more to argue and he snagged her pillow and smacked her lightly with it. "Go, woman!"

With a laugh and a roll of her eyes, Cassie got out of bed and padded out of the room, closing the door behind her. Vinnie was already snoring as it clicked shut. She could hear voices coming from the end of the hallway, easily distinguishable as Throttle, Charley, Modo with an undercurrent of television. Cassie rounded the corner of the hallway and grinned at the three crowding the couch, Charley dwarfed in between the two martian mice.

"Hey guys," she greeted.

"Cassie!" Charley shoved the bowl of popcorn in her lap into Modo's hand and stood up, coming around the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"Hungry. My head feels...muddy. But I haven't eaten much in the last couple day so hunger is kind of the dominant thing right now."

"Let's get you fed, then," Charley said, slipping an arm through hers. "We ordered pizza and there's plenty left over, at least until Vinnie gets a hold of it. Good thing you get a shot at it before he does."

Cassie followed her sister into the kitchen, catching the unique scent of supreme as they entered. Her mouth immediately started watering. The last real meal she'd had was the night before everyone had taken off. "I don't think we'll have to worry about that for a while. He seemed pretty wiped out."

Charley handed her a plate from the dish strainer in the sink and took a can of diet soda from the fridge, setting it next to Cassie and sinking into the chair across from her. "You seem a lot better. I'm assuming that means everything went okay?"

Cassie shrugged. "I guess? It's hard to tell. I can tell things are still there. It's like he...subdued them somehow. They're not loud anymore but the memories are kind of lurking there on the edge. Even my own memories are kind of just...blah right now. Maybe it's because I just woke up."

"That's normal," Throttle said, striding into the room and joining them. "I'm guessing he didn't go into locking things up right away. There's a process and the first step is just getting the person's head to quiet down so they can recuperate."

Throttle chose to forgo a spot at the table and leaned against the counter, a beer clutched loosely in his hand. "Think about how well you operate when you're worn down. A tired mind ain't nothin' you want to be messing around with. Vinnie'll get you to a good point before he starts the hard stuff."

"The hard stuff?"

Throttle nodded. "The way he explained it to me...the ugly stuff needs individual attention. You can't just walk down the row, slam the cage doors shut and put a lock on them. If it were that easy, all of us would have been trained on how to do it. It's much more complicated than that. He's gotta quiet your mind Then each memory has to be bound, some more than once. The whole process is time consuming from what I know."

"Don't you guys have anti-depressants or anything like that? How does anyone else cope with their PTSD up there?"

Throttle's gaze became shuttered and he looked away. "Most handled it the best way they could. A lot took the quick way out and just ended it. And others….there were procedures."

"Procedures?" Charley questioned.

There was a brief flash of recognition in the back of Cassie's mind - quick, dark and disturbing enough to chill her heart. She made no attempt to reach for it, glad when it faded as quickly as it had come.

"Lobotomies…" She nearly choked on the word as it tripped it's way out of her mouth. She didn't need to see Throttle's knee-jerk reaction to know it was the truth.

Charley visibly paled. "What? No. That's not something they'd even think about doing on Mars."

"Men were desperate to escape their demons, Charley-girl. And once some of them found a way, there wasn't much anyone could do to talk 'em out of it."

"But...I've been to Mars. They have such a huge respect for the mind and how it works. No mouse would ever offer that as an option."

"You're right. No mouse would." Throttle was very careful to keep his gaze on the floor as he turned back to them, leaning against the counter. He shot a surreptitious glance in the direction of the living room and continued, his voice low. "There was a rat way out in the dunes. Kind of a recluse. No one trusted him, rat or mouse. But most knew he had some kind of medical background. The fact that he'd lost more patients than he'd helped didn't matter much to the men who knew he'd successfully treated a few and were willing to take the risk.

"The military shut him down pretty quick when they caught wind of what was happening. Add the fact that he'd been trained by Karbunkle...surprised his execution was quick." His paused, his gaze seeking out Cassie's. "Doin' okay?"

She nodded, even though she felt as if she were on the verge of vomiting. Stoker's memories were shadows of what they had been, offering her only limited and very unwanted glimpses; Vacant eyes staring out from slackened faces of men who would never think again, a whisper of horrified curiosity, passing quickly but still instilling the thought of a different way out.

"Liar. We don't need to be talkin' about this, Cass."

"It's nothing...clear," she assured him. "Just shadows. You know what they are though?"

"Stoker was in the military for a long time before leading the Freedom Fighters. Back in his heyday, no one could track like him and those in charge knew it. They used him up until he got sick of it, not really giving a damn what it did to him. He came back from that first raid so messed up. Wouldn't talk to anyone for months. That sound like what you're seein?"

"I...guess," Cassie murmured. "Everything comes and goes so quickly and it's so foggy. But their eyes are just...dead looking." She left out Stoker's cryptic train of thought, feeling a need to protect him on some level. "This should be bothering me more. Aside from my stomach turning, I just feel numb."

"You only got a few hours of sleep. That's probably normal."

"Totally normal," Vinnie added, shuffling into the kitchen. "S'er coffee?"

Charley stood, motioning to her vacated chair. "I can make some. You look like you're the one who hasn't slept."

"Also...totally normal." Vinnie plopped down in the vacated seat and shot a tired grin at Cassie. "Babe, your mind is nuts."

She shrugged and returned his smile with one of her own. "Rethinking your plan to go messing around in there?"

"Nah. That would be a bad idea. Stoker's crap is way more messed up than yours. It's gonna take a while though. How long you plan on stayin'?"

"I don't really know. I haven't thought that far ahead."

"When do you have to be back to work?" Charley asked as she poured a cup of coffee for Vinnie and brought it to him.

Cassie dropped her gaze to her hands and started picking at her nails. "Well...I don't really have to. I'm not exactly...employed...at the moment."

"Then you stay here."

The derisive tone of Charley's voice caught Cassie off guard. Her head snapped up and she stared at her sister in disbelief. "What?"

"You stay, Cass," she repeated. "I have a spare room. We can find you a job. With the holidays, I'm sure plenty of places are looking for help."

"Charley, I-."

"Am extremely grateful? Don't mention it."

"That's not-."

"A problem at all, like I said."

Vinnie snorted out a laugh. "Give it up, Cass. Ain't no point in arguin' with her when she's finishing sentences for ya."

"True enough," Throttle was quick to agree.

Cassie shook her head. "I can't-"

"Thank me enough?" Charley cut her off again, grinning widely. "You can keep trying, if you want. But I've been arguing with these guys for years, so the chances of you outlasting me are pretty slim."

Cassie wanted to accept the offer. But the idea of stability was frightening. She was so used to being so far ahead of her problems, moving from place to place, job to job and having no ties to anything. She wasn't sure if she knew how to do anything else. Charley took her hand, squeezing it. "I know this is way different than what you're used to. Maybe that's a good thing. Give it a chance at least."

The tears came quick and Cassie conceded with a laugh in a pitiful attempt to hide them. "Okay! You win! You win. I'll stay."

"Smart girl." Charley patted her hand.

"Any pizza left, Charley-girl?" Vinnie asked. "There's a couple pieces."

And just like that, they slid back into their routine, giving Cassie a chance to sit quietly, finish her pizza and adjust to the idea of making a life for herself. Here...in Chicago. Modo joined them, the larger mouse yawning hugely as he barely passed under the archway, going to the fridge and helping himself to a beer. He went to Charley, using his good arm to pull her back against him where she fit so seamlessly. Like how Cassie had fit so well with Stoker. She tried to remember their last day together, making a conscious attempt at fishing for what she knew and frowned when she wasn't able to drag up anything. It was like trying to grab at mist, reaching through it only to come up empty handed. She tried again with something different - a party she had gone to before heading to her parents for Thanksgiving. She knew she had gone to one, knew she'd left it drunk and with a man, but again, she couldn't seam to pull up the memories attached to that night.

Her heart rate spiked as panic washed over her and her vision blurred around the edges. She swayed in her seat. Even remember how to breathe seemed beyond her. Suddenly, Vinnie was there, his hands grasping her shoulders and coaxing her to stand. "Hey, take a walk with me, will ya? I could use some air."

She managed a nod, allowing him to lead her out of the kitchen, barely hearing him reassure everyone that she was alright. They went through the living room, down the hallway and didn't stop until Cassie felt a rush of cold outside air on her face. She gasped when it hit her, the instinct to breathe finally kicking in as she grabbed at Vinnie's arm, her legs giving out from under her. The world seemed to be narrowing, closing in around her.

"Easy, Sweetheart. Just breathe." He rubbed her back in a steady up and down movement. "Try not to think about anything."

"I can't!" she cried. "Why can't I remember anything?"

"It's temporary, I promise. Scared the shit outta me, too."

"What?"

"I had to suppress everything. I should have warned you before we started all this. Suppressing it all to start out is necessary. Makes it easier to sort through everything. But you'll get all your memories back."

The chilly night air worked its way into her lungs, pushing back the panic. "You're sure?"

"Positive."

"When?"

"Soon, babe." He moved in front of her, his gaze searching hers. "I just tucked 'em way back but they're still there. Tell ya what...you get some more rest and I'll get to work right away in the morning. Deal?"

She nodded, then leaned into his arms, pressing her face against his chest. The conversation she'd been having earlier with Throttle and Charley came back to haunt her and although there was the smallest sliver of comfort that she could remember something, it did little comfort her when those brief memories involved the faces of lobotomy victims.

"Coach sure loves you," Vinnie said in a low voice, his hand once again moving in a slow up and down path over her back. "I mean, it was pretty obvious he was into you when you guys were together but being able to see how much...it's kinda cool that someone means that much to him."

Tears blurred Cassie's vision. "Do you think he knows what happened?"

"No. Knowin' Stoker, I bet he thinks most of it was buried deep enough that you wouldn't be able to touch it. The more connected you are to someone though, the harder it is to control what they see. Poor Stoker probably didn't even realize just how much he did love you. Or…"

"How much I love him." Cassie closed her eyes, letting the tears fall. "I never should have pushed him into the whole mind-walking thing."

Sighing, Vinnie shifted his weight and sank down, pulling her with and settling her in his lap. "We all live in moments of blind desperation, babe. You and Stoker were running out of time. You can regret it if you want but regretting those moments...it doesn't change anything."

The hint of regret in his voice called to her. It made her feel like she wasn't so alone in any of this. She slid her arm around him, laying her head on his shoulders and turning her gaze to the side. Buildings rose up around The Last Chance, dark and sentinel. The stars were hardly visible through the glow of the city lights lights above. Was Stoker among those stars? Or had he made it back to Mars already. Cassie stared at them until she could no longer feel any lingering trace of panic, then wiped away the remainder of stubborn tears that clung to her cheeks. "Aren't you cold?" she asked Vinnie.

"Way colder on Mars, Sweetheart. Why?" He lifted his shoulder, jostling her slightly. "Need me to warm you up?"

"Seriously, Vinnie?!" Cassie moved out of his lap as he laughed. "You're terrible."

"Aw, Cass. I'm the best!"

She wouldn't tell him because truly, his ego didn't need it, but she appreciated how he broke the tension, giving them an easy out. She held out a hand, helped him up and they made their way back inside. "I'm going to try to get some sleep," she said as they approached her room.

"Not hungry?"

"I had a slice before you got up. Go...eat. I'm sure you're starving."

He paused, looking indecisive, then reached out and ruffled her hair. "Join ya in a bit."

His words could have been filled with innuendo, but they were simple and said with a straight face and a sympathetic smile because he knew as well as she did that she needed him there in case anything slithered free from her subconscious. She nodded and went to her room, crawling back into her unmade bed and pulling the covers up around her.

She tried to sleep, listening to the drone of voices coming from the living room but sleep eluded her. One would think that with a mind free of past thoughts, sleep would come easy. But that disturbing void, that lack of anything for her to pull from that might offer her repose, was terrifying. She reached under her shirt, her fingers closing around the dog tags Stoker had left her. She held them to her lips as tears threatened once again. "I wish you were here," she whispered.

Moments later the floorboards creaked and Cassie breathed a sigh of relief. She listened to Vinnie as he moved about her room - his boots hitting the floor, the fly of his jeans being unzipped, the rasp of denim being discarded. Then he slid in beside her. "Didn't even get close to sleep, did ya?"

She didn't say a word, just turned to him and went into his arms, craving that connection she felt to him. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "If I could make this easier on you...trust me, I would."

Cassie nodded. "I know."

"Sleep, sweetheart. I'll be here if you wake up."

With that promise, she felt safe enough to close her eyes and relax. Within minutes, she was asleep.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassie and Vinnie get closer while sorting through the mess Stoker left behind, Cassie lands an unexpected job and Cassie and Vinnie agree to some much needed space from each other.

Cassie's new favorite thing in life was very quickly becoming her sister's shower. The water pressure was intense, the massage feature was heaven and the water heater was just shy of industrial, made to keep up with one mechanic and three Martian mice.

After spending nearly an hour under the steady spray, working through her thoughts like Vinnie had taught her, Cassie turned off the tap and stepped out of the shower. She pulled her towel from the rack, wrapping it around herself, then used a second to scrub the dampness from her hair.

Her pixie cut was becoming more shag and less chic. She'd contemplated cutting it again but was growing tired of the style. She studied herself in the mirror, ruffling the mess, then tugging at the ends with her fingertips. She'd have to put more of an effort into styling it until she had a job and some financial leeway.

Hopefully, after today, she'd have one and be working her way towards the other.

She flipped the lights off and crossed the hallway to her room. The blinds were pulled against the early morning sun. From her bed, one white-furred foot poked out from under a pile of snoring blankets. Cassie opted to be kind and not turn the lights on, partially opening the blinds instead so that she would have some light to search for clothing by.

"An early morning show? Lucky me."

She threw a dirty look over her shoulder to Vinnie, who'd pulled the blanket off his head. "Hardly. I thought you were out cold."

"Gettin' ready for your interview?"

She hummed an affirmative while digging through the top drawer for a pair of socks. "Am I going to have to kick you out so that I can or will you be chivalrous enough to do that on your own?"

He grinned and threw the covers back. "Babe, I'll even start coffee for ya."

He dropped a kiss on her head before strutting out. "Use the fancy stuff!" she called after him.

"I know!"

Cassie laughed to herself and went back to searching. She'd been living with her sister for a little over two weeks which meant that for a little over two weeks, this had become her's and Vinnie's morning routine. He slept while she got ready for the day, took a few suggestive shots at her when she came back into her room and then gave her the space she needed, always promising coffee as he strutted out.

The problem, however, was that with her mind considerably less messy than it had been, she was starting to feel like a bit of a freeloader. Charley was constantly assuring her that she wasn't, but watching her sister head down to the garage every weekday to work was making Cassie feel otherwise.

She did what she could to ease the discomfort. When she wasn't with Vinnie working through the wreckage in her mind, she cleaned, cooked both lunch and supper, took up baking for the sense of accomplishment and the opportunity to destroy the kitchen so that she could clean it up again.

But still...she wanted out.

She wanted to not see herself as a burden. Not just to Charley, but to Vinnie as well. He'd nearly moved in himself in order to help her. When he wasn't helping her, he was sleeping. Though he never complained and quickly shut her down whenever she would insist that he take a break, it was clear that spending so much time in her mind was taking its toll on him. He was losing weight, eating less than normal and even his machismo attitude seemed less natural and more forced.

Cassie was confident that she was stable enough to not need him at all times. She had regained her memories and what remained of Stoker's that weren't closed away were memories she could handle without feeling sick, anxious or terrified.

And truly, Vinnie was too nice to say it, but he needed the space just as much as she did.

Cassie settled on a pair of dark maroon leggings, a gray sweater and a silver collection of three tiered chains. After styling her hair into a subdued mess of soft curls and doing her makeup, she made her bed, pulled on a pair of black, low heeled boots, then followed the scent of coffee to the kitchen.

Vinnie was leaning against the counter by the coffee pot when she walked in.

"Hmm...you should stay here and work for me, Sweetheart. I'd hire you in a heartbeat," he murmured with a tired grin.

"You should eat a decent meal that you'd actually have to chew and get some more sleep," she shot back, reaching around him to pull a coffee cup from the cupboard.

He was quick to brush her off, as usual. "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

"You need to stop arguing with me or blowing me off and just do what I tell you to do." She filled her cup before turning to him and leveling her best zero-nonsense glare on him. "Seriously, Vin. I'm beyond appreciative of everything you've done for me but what good are you to me when you're this exhausted? I can manage a day without you. I know I can. And if I can't, I'll call you."

"Cass, I can't just-."

"Yeah. Actually, you can. Go...eat something, watch mindless TV, enjoy having some time out of my head."

He looked like he wanted to argue with her but more than that, he looked relieved. "A little more practice and you're gonna be better than your sister at arguin'."

"Better than?" She smirked and rolled her eyes. "I already am. You just haven't seen the extent of it."

"Terrifying. Alright-." Vinnie finished off what little coffee he had remaining, put his empty cup in the sink, then pulled her into a hug.

If anyone found their closeness strange, they didn't say so. Cassie had questioned herself only once on the matter but their behaviors seemed so normal to her that she'd easily blown it off. He'd been in her head and knew every intimate detail there was to know about her. Next to Stoker, she doubted anyone knew her the way that Vinnie did.

As a result of having him constantly moving through her thoughts, she felt close to him and comforted by everything about him. The fact that it was nowhere near sexual added a depth that made the relationship valuable on a level she'd never known before.

Still…

She needed a break.

"Call the Scoreboard if you need anything. I'll see you tonight." His lips brushed her temple. "Oh, hey! Good luck on your interview!"

The silence that followed in the wake of departure was a little unnerving. Charley was out picking up parts from one of her backup distributors. Modo had gone with her and Cassie truly didn't believe they'd be back until much later, taking advantage of the quality alone time. Throttle had left for the Scoreboard when they had taken off. With Vinnie spending the nights in her bed, Throttle had spent just as many nights on the couch by some unspoken agreement. Maybe the three of them were just that close. Maybe it was some kind of Matian or soldier mentality. Cassie didn't know and because it seemed so normal to everyone else, she didn't question it.

She hadn't noticed until now though just how empty the apartment could feel without anyone there.

She sipped her coffee and, out of growing habit, tugged Stoker's dog tags out from under her shirt.

What was he doing right now? Leading soldiers into battle? Dealing with the mess of her memories? Missing her as much as she missed him?

For some reason, she'd thought not having him around would be easier. She'd left her fair share of men after having spent more than a few days with them and had enjoyed the solitude that followed when she pulled herself free from those entanglements.

Now? Now she hated it.

She wanted Stoker - wanted him filling the empty spaces in her life, wanted his arm around her while they watched movies on the couch, wanted to share coffee with him in the mornings, to have her next to him in bed.

And missing him hurt. A piece of her seemed to ache constantly for him. It was like the piece of her that had loved and mourned Andrew but less consumed with depression.

She felt the tell-tale sting of tears and quickly pushed away from the counter, forcing herself to be busy. She washed hers and Vinnie's coffee cups, dried and put them away, filled a to-go cup and snagged an apple from the basket on the table as she headed down to the garage.

As she pulled out of the garage, telling herself she'd drive around to figure out the city before going to her interview, she tucked the dog tags back under her shirt where they settled over her heart.

***BACK AT THE SCOREBOARD***

Vinnie slept like the dead for hours after stuffing his face with corn dogs and root-beer. Throttle hadn't questioned any of it beyond giving Vinnie an amused glance as he staggered past him on his way to his room to pass out.

And he'd enjoyed every second of that uninterrupted sleep. Cassie was restless at night, her subconscious brain far more active than she even realized. That was the bitch of her situation - she thought she was fine because she couldn't remember the nightmares that took advantage of her when she was out. Vinnie knew differently.

He worked tirelessly through the night to silence her memories, frustrated when the ones he thought he'd taken care of popped back into the mix, knowing that his exhaustion wasn't helping things at all.

When he was pulled out of his sleep by Throttle knocking on the door, it was nearly dark out, the first stars of dusk winking at him through the high windows in his room. He fumbled with the blankets, yanking them clumsily off of himself.

"Yo Vin, leavin' for Charley's soon. You comin'?"

"Yeah," he called back, his voice clogged with sleep. He cleared his throat before trying to speak again. "Be right out."

He switched into a pair of clean jeans, tugged a Harley Davidson t-shirt over his head and joined Throttle, nodding his thanks when Throttle handed him a jacket.

"You doin' okay?" the tan mouse asked.

Vinnie nodded. "Better now that I got some sleep. What time is it?"

"Little after eight. Cassie told me not to wake ya. She not sleepin' at night?"

"She is. But when she gets to that point where she's really out, it's like someone busted down a dam. She starts havin' nightmares and they're pretty intense. She's kicked me like five times."

Concern flashed across Throttle's face. "Well, that explains a lot. Don't stretch yourself too thin, bro."

"Tryin' not to. I forgot how insane this whole process is. Hopefully Cass nailed her interview and I can catch up on sleep when she's workin'."

The streets were quiet on the way to the garage. Vinnie took it as an opportunity to go well over the speed limit, the combination of the adrenaline rush and cold wind quickly waking him up. By the time they made it to Charley's, he was fully awake and feeling more like himself than he had in days.

They found Charley, Cassie and Modo in the kitchen, both women holding glasses filled with champagne from the open bottle on the table.

"Champagne, huh?" Vinnie asked. "I'm guessing you got the job?"

Cassie's smile was blinding. "I did! But not the sales associate position. They made me assistant manager and head of purchasing for women's health and beauty! I guess the positions been open for a while but they haven't had anyone apply and with my background in department store sales, they said I'd be a great fit!"

"That's awesome, Sweetheart!" Vinnie swept her up in a hug. "Congrats! When do you start?"

"Next week, Monday."

"That's great news, Cassie," Throttle offered, also giving her a quick hug once Vinnie relinquished his hold on her.

"Thanks guys. Hey, what's the deal with downtown Chicago being so much nicer than this side of the city?" she asked, quickly switching subjects.

"That's 'ol Lard Ass' side," Modo muttered. "He's got an image to maintain. Can't have his side of the tracks lookin' all messed up."

"Lard Ass?"

"Limburger," Charley clarified. "He's the one these guys are always dealing with."

"Oh! That...what was it?" Cassie's brow furrowed. "Plant something-or-other?"

Vinnie choked on a laugh as he pulled open the fridge and reached for a beer. "Plutarkian. Nice try though."

Cassie shot him a dirty look and he winked back, saluting her with his beer after popping the top off. "Whatever he is," she said dismissively. "I heard dad and Stoker talking about him the night you guys showed up. What's his deal? If his kind is fighting a war on Mars, why is he here?"

"He was supposed to be scountin' Chi-town for resources," Throttle explained. "He's made a few efforts here and there but we've shut 'em all down. Now he just runs his mouth a lot, keeps himself in the public eye and makes nice with all the rich yuppies."

"He's as useless to the Plutarkians as deodorant," Vinnie snickered. "And they know it. Probably why they don't bother with him much. They just want him outta the way."

"So he just...hangs out here? He's not a threat?"

That caused a riot of laughter from the three mice. Cassie threw a questioning look at Charley but her sister just rolled her eyes and shook her head as if she'd had to deal with this type of reaction from the three mice often.

"That guys about as threatening as a box of puppies," Modo said.

Throttle nodded in agreement. "He's more annoying than anything. Good for a workout every once and awhile when he gets it in his head that he needs to create some elaborate show of force but really, the guys incompetent and he ain't worth anybody's time."

"Especially not ours," Vinnie tacked on. "Weren't we supposed to be celebrating? Enough talkin' about that guy." He swung an arm around Cassie's shoulders, lifting his beer in the air to salute her. "To the lady of the hour!"

Several beers, another half a bottle of champagne and some questionable take-out later, they called a halt to the celebrating and everyone started turning in for the night. Vinnie shuffled into Cassie's room, stretching his arms over his head and yawning as he walked through the door. Cassie was already laying in bed. She'd excused herself earlier to take a shower. The scent of her shampoo hung in the air with the lingering steam, clean and feminine. It was one of the better things about Earth women - their bathing habits. Women on Mars weren't nearly as consistent, not that they could be. Dust baths were most common and they sure as hell didn't smell anywhere near as floral or exotic.

"Did you get some good sleep?" she asked as she rubbed lotion on her hands.

Vinnie flopped down beside her, kicking his boots off. "Better than good."

"You look a hell of a lot better. Haven't you been sleeping at night?"

Vinnie avoided her gaze as he pulled the covers up around him and started unbuttoning his jeans. He didn't want to make her feel guilty. There was no real way around it but he didn't want to just throw himself into a situation like that. Unfortunately for him, he had enough beer running through his system to feel like being far too honest.

"Not really," he admitted. The weight of her gaze was making him twitchy. "You sleep really hard so it's a lot easier for all that shit I'm repressing to creep back out. Makes for some pretty busy nights."

_Stop while you're ahead, man!_

Cassie frowned. "How do you even know that's happening?"

"You ahh...move around a lot...when you're havin' nightmares. And kick. And throw a mean right hook."

_So much for shutting your big mouth…_

Cassie sat up, looking horrified. "Oh my God, Vinnie!"

"It's not a big deal!" he quickly tried to assure her. "Seriously, Cass. I can' handle it."

"Oh really? Then why did you look like a freaking zombie this morning?"

"This morning! I don't now, do I?"

Her eyes narrowed. Clearly, that was not the right thing to say. He tried again, taking her right hand just in case she tried to throw a conscious right hook. She swung hard enough when she wasn't even aware that she was doing so. Goddess knew what she would be capable of when she was awake. "Listen Cassie, this whole process is tricky, okay? I knew that goin' in. Honestly, if I didn't think I could hack it, I wouldn't have offered to help."

"I know, but-."

"But what? Would you rather be living with all that crap lose in your head?"

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "No."

Vinnie sighed. She had that guilty look on her face that made him feel about two feet tall. "With you workin', I'll be able to catch up on sleep. And I will. Promise."

She relaxed with that. "Good. I don't like being responsible for draining you."

"Especially when it's got nothing to do with sex."

He felt her jerk and tightened his grip around her hand before she could pull it back to swing at him, chuckling at her efforts.

"Do you have a filter?" she asked, fighting against his hold.

"Not a good one."

"No shit."

She tugged once more, then gave up with a sound of disgust. Their hands feel against his ribs. He gave her a grin she couldn't resist, one that clearly said, 'You know you love me' and she rolled her eyes, then settled down next to him on her side.

"How come I can't remember any of these nightmares?"

Vinnie twined his fingers through hers. She wore three rings - one on her thumb, middle finger and ring finger. They were simple bands of silver with different colored stones. He caught one with this thumb and twisted it idly. "I'm quick. I'm able to snag most of 'em before they leave your subconscious. And like I said, you're a really deep sleeper so it's easier for Stoker's memories to slip through the cracks, get all mixed up with your and create some pretty nasty visuals."

She remained silent, watching him toy with her rings. In quiet moments like these, he could feel the connection that bonded them like a series of wires. It was inevitable that it would happen with him spending so much time inside her head.

There was so much about her he could relate to. They were two lonely souls worlds away from the ones they loved, craving touch and affection that wouldn't ask for anything beyond that.

He knew Stoker wouldn't care for it, but Vinnie didn't really give a damn. With Cassie, Vinnie could feel like he was understood. And although Coach knew loss, he hadn't lost anyone the way Vinnie had lost Harley; Not knowing if she was alive or dead, constantly caught between hoping and mourning.

"Thinking about her?" Cassie asked softly.

Vinnie's mouth twisted into a sad smile. "Always."

Releasing her hand, he shifted on his side and slid his arm around her waist. He tilted his head down. As his antennae brushed her forehead, she closed her eyes.

Within moments, he was steeped in her mind, all thoughts of Harley silenced for the time being.


	4. Chapter 4

Stoker fell into bed, exhausted to the very marrow of his bones and aching all over. His body, his mind and his heart had officially clocked out, no longer wanting anything to do with the war raging over the torn landscape of Mars. The days bled together, one raid seamlessly flowing into the next. Every morning he woke up and threw in everything he had, bringing back nothing in return. There was only so much fighting, only so much of this day-in-day-out shit that a guy could put up with before losing his mind entirely. Which, he was relatively certain, he'd done long ago. Only insanity would keep someone in a stagnant game this long - never winning, never losing…just…surviving.

"If you can even call it that," he muttered to the empty room he called his home.

A picture on what barely passed for a nightstand caught his attention and he reached for it, rolling onto his side. Eight smiling faces stared up at him, his being one of them. It was the last time he could remember being well and truly happy. He, Throttle, Vinnie and Modo took up most of the couch they sat on, Charley and her family trying to fit in around them. Charlie sat on the arm of the couch next to Modo, her hand resting on his shoulder. Charley's niece Kati was curled up in his lap. Beside him was Throttle with Vinnie in a choke hold. Nate, Charley's brother stood behind the couch, his hands braced on the back just to the right of Vinnie.

Then there was Cassie.

Charley had more or less shoved her into Stokers lap where she looked more than content to sit, her legs over Vinnie's thighs and her forehead resting against Stokers cheek. He'd kept his arm around her waist, not only because he wanted to, but because she'd demanded he do so.

" _Leave that arm where it is so I can keep the memory of being held by a real man here on Earth."_

That woman...was something else.

The first time he caught sight of her, standing in the open doorway in a pair of form fitting jeans and a stylish green sweater that made the green in her eyes impossibly bright, he'd been struck completely senseless, his thoughts all over the damn place. The copper highlights in her short blond hair had caught the light of the afternoon sun and his mouth had gone dry. There had never been a day in his life where he'd been laid low by a pretty face. But Cassie Davidson wasn't just a pretty face. Goddess almighty, she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on.

He'd watched her make her way through the introductions with a bright smile and a flirtatious lilt to her voice. It had all faltered when she'd gotten to him, a light blush taking over her high cheekbones and some of the confidence wilting away. That was the only sign he had needed to know that she was interested.

With a sigh, he laid the picture on his chest face down and stared up at the ceiling. There were some days he wished he could do it all over again, leave the fact that he was going back to Mars out of the picture. And yet…what good would that have done them? There would be more heartache than either of them probably cared to deal with. He'd been fair to her…to both of them. At least that's what he kept telling himself every night when the memory of her lips and that smoldering voice haunted him.

He'd never been hung up over a woman before. Never to the point that he couldn't keep the Freedom Fighters going, that he couldn't throw himself wholeheartedly into this never-ending war without caring that he'd see the same thing the next day.

That damn woman had gotten under his skin so far, though. In a matter of days she'd become something to him, something he couldn't quite get a handle on. She'd become his absolute everything.

Then again…maybe he was just tired. He'd been at this gig for longer than he could remember. His favorite uncle had once joked that Stoker had been born with two jobs from the get go - kick ass and take names. He was great at both. Key word there…was. He wasn't sure that at this point in what he sadly considered his career he was doing well at either. And then there was the underlying truth of it all.

He didn't want to be here anymore.

What love he had for his red lady paled in comparison to the love he had for Cassie.

Someone banged on the door to his rooms, interrupting his thoughts. It was tempting to ignore whoever it was. Maybe they'd leave but lately, very few respected his need for privacy. He knew his silence and lack of enthusiasm was unnerving to the soldiers he worked with. No one had called him out on it, but he could see the uncertain looks they were giving him when they thought he wasn't looking. They tried to cover it up with continual efforts to talk strategy with him. Everyone seemed to have forgotten how to fight so the only thing their efforts gained was Stoker's loss of faith in them to do their job.

The pounding came again. "Hey Stoke, you in there?"

Rimfire?

He tucked the picture away in the drawer of the nightstand and went to the door, hitting the button to open it.

"Hey kid, what-." His voice died off when he saw that Rimfire wasn't alone. Carbine stood beside him, a fist perched on her hip and a look on her face that he didn't care for at all.

"Oh good, an intervention," he muttered dryly.

Carbine arched a brown, managing to look both superior and annoying as hell at the same time. "I wouldn't have to intervene in anything if your soldiers weren't complaining."

"Complaining, huh?" Stoker leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, aint that kind of them. Here I thought I was leading men who could handle their shit, not turn to the a woman for help talking to their commander."

"Commander's command. From what I'm hearing, you're not doing anything like that. Your men are waiting for orders and you're giving them a whole lot of nothing."

"Their grown-ass men, Carbine." He pushed away from the door, turning to walk away from them but leaving the door open as a silent, begrudging invite. Carbine wouldn't leave until she got what she wanted from him so there was no point in shutting her out. "If they need their hands held so badly, why don't you take 'em with you. Give yourself a whole arsenal of soldiers to act like decoys for you." The last bit was accompanied with a glare shot in Rimfire's direction. The kid looked ashamed, but only for a second.

"Again, things I wouldn't have to do if you were doing what you're supposed to be doing."

She walked in, waiting for Rimfire to clear the doorway before hitting the button and closing them in. "What's going on, Stoker?"

"Nothing's going on," he muttered, Cassie's voice mimicking his clipped statement.

Good Godess, that woman was doing a number on his sleep deprived mind.

"I don't buy that."

"Well, lucky you, you don't have to buy a damn thing. If it's gonna be such a problem, maybe you find a replacement for me. Someone younger who can do this day in and day out without runnin' out of steam."

Carbine's eyes narrowed. "Is that what you're trying to do? Get out of this war?"

"Here's the deal, General," he almost sneered, rounding on her. "You don't run thing here. I do. And those soldiers don't answer to you. They answer to me. They go issues, they know damn well where my door is so you comin' in here like some white knight to rescue them is hardly believable. When you feel like ownin' up to the real reason you're here, then we can talk."

The gobsmacked look on her face was one he would have laughed at if he wasn't so annoyed with her showing up here with some half-cocked, bullshit story and giving Cassie's memories leverage in his brain.

"So, do tell...what really happened?" he prompted. Again, Rimfire looked ashamed, like he had some critical role in this whole mess.

"Ah, I'm starting to piece it together. The Rookie called for backup, huh?"

That wiped the guilt clean. The pure hostility that rose up in it's place caught Stoker entirely off guard.

"Ive' got friends fighting for you!" Rimfire snapped. "Friends that don't deserve to die because of your decision to take a walk-," he caught himself, his gaze flickering over to Carbine. "-Away from doing your job right."

Stoker stopped himself just shy of yelling back. The kid knew something. Something that had to do with Cassie and that he didn't want Carbine knowing. Thank Goddess the kid had the smarts to shut himself up. If Carbine caught wind of anything that happened on Earth, she'd lay into him far worse than Charley had and there would be political repercussions. Higher ups would get involved. There was a possibility that they would go after Cassie, wipe her mind clean. Carbine had sacrificed a lot to keep them away from Charley after Throttle had opened his mind to her and the top brass found out. The argument that she hadn't been shown anything that would endanger their species and had a profound knowledge of A.I. technology was what kept them from getting involved and handling things "their way."

The same wouldn't work as far as Cassie was concerned.

"We can't have distracted commanders leading soldiers into war, Stoker," Carbine said calmly. "You know that. You wouldn't allow your men to do that."

"I'll take your words into consideration, General. If there's nothing else-."

It was a dismissal and she knew it. Irritation flashed in her eyes. She may have wanted to argue more but she knew him well enough to know there was no point. She sighed. "No."

"You can see yourself out, then."

He turned and headed for the kitchen to get a drink, offering them nothing more. The door slid open and a few seconds later closed, but he wasn't alone.

"If you think I'm pourin' a drink for some wet-behind-the-ears pain in my ass, you're wrong," he grumbled.

Rimfire stood silently, glaring at him, arms crossed over his chest.

Stoker grinned humorlessly as he set a glass on the counter and filled it halfway with the Kentucky bourbon Charley had given him last Christmas. "You wont get shit for lookin' at me that way, either. Try again."

"Why aren't you doing your job? Give me an answer that doesn't piss me off and I won't tell Carbine you opened a mental freeway between yourself and an Earther."

The threat was ballsy, especially for a kid like Rimfire. "Considering the fact that you care for Charley, I doubt you'd do anything that would cause a bunch of Martian's to invade her home and wipe her little sister's brain clean. Do you put any thought into what you're saying, boy?"

"She's Charley's sister?"

"How do you even know any of this?" Stoker demanded.

"I ah-." He fumbled for words, then sighed and pulled a folded slip of paper from his back pocket. "This fell out of your pack yesterday when we got back to camp after our supply run."

Stoker came around the counter separating them and took the paper, looking down at it in confusion. "What's this?"

"It's from Cassie. You didn't know you had it?"

"No, I didn't." He studied it for a second, wanting to look it but tucking it away instead. He would read it after Rimfire was gone. "Worth the read?"

If the damn kid could blush, he would be. Not that Stoker cared. Let him be every level of uncomfortable. Served him right.

"Listen kid, I get my recent disconnect is unnerving for you guys. It ain't exactly fun for me either but I'm sortin' through it."

"You're hardly here, Stoke," Rimfire said cautiously.

Stoker wanted to react harshly, wanted to lash out and tell the kid to mind his business. Mostly because he was right. He sighed, shaking his head. "Hard to be here when I'm not the only one up here," he muttered, tapping his temple with a fingertip.

"Why'd you let her in?"

"Not really somethin' I'm going to talk to you about, no offense."

Rimfire looked away. "Sorry."

"Don't be. The whole thing is a big mess."

"Because you love her?" At Stoker's sharp glance, he put his hands up. "In the letter...she said she loved you. I just assumed-."

"Yeah...yeah...I love her."

Silence fell between them, neither really knowing what to say or do. Stoker was never one to confide in people. He was a leader, always confident, always focused and able to make others see him as an unbreakable force not to be crossed.

"I will get it sorted out," he said. "Or at least do a way better job of actin' like I've got my shit together. Between you and me," he paused to toss back the rest of his drink, "I'm tired of fightin'. I feel like I've been doing it half my life. I stick around any longer and I just might. It's past time that I find a replacement. Up until now, I just...haven't had the motivation."

"A replacement?"

Stoker shot him a wry grin, amused by his panicked expression. "Know many commanders my age?"

Rimfire's frown deepened. He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut again.

"Didn't think so." Stoker rounded the corner back into the galleyway and placed his glass in the sink. He toyed briefly with the idea of having another, but it was the middle of the day. It was going to be awfully hard to look like he had pulled himself together if he was half drunk. "So, any thoughts on who I should train in? And don't say you. You're too young and too eager to please. If that truth pisses you off, then work to change it. Fair?"

"Yeah...fair," Rimfire grumbled.

"So," Stoker folded his arms over his chest, leaning back against the counter. "Can you think of anyone?"

"Suel would be good if he wasn't so full of himself. Trick and Brax are pretty level headed." Rimfire ran a hand through his hair and started pacing. "Problem is, they're all so close to each other. You're going to have a hell of a time finding a guy the others would be willing to take orders from. You'd be better off asking-."

"Don't say Carbine," Stoker cut him off.

"She the obvious answer, Stoke. She's got the experience, she's tough and most of the guys are terrified of her. She'd be able to take over with minimal training...if you can get her to."

Stoker scoffed. Yeah. If I can get her to. She's not gonna give two shits that I want to retire just to spend my time with a woman on Earth."

Rimfire shrugged. "Leave that part out. That's the only info I've got unless you can think of something else."

"Short of talkin' Throttle into leaving his bros to come back...no."

"You think he would?"

He wanted to say yes but it would be a lie. On Mars, Throttle felt stifled by his position, suffocated by the memories of the family he lost, confused by a woman who was more his superior than his equal. Mars was his home but it didn't feel like a home to him anymore.

_It feels like a prison, Coach. And as much as I love Carbine...sometimes she feels more like a warden than my partner._

Stoker kept Throttle's admission to himself. He'd asked the younger fighter about taking his place before he'd left to return to Mars. They'd had a rare moment alone and both had taken advantage of that moment to be honest. Stoker hadn't expected Throttle's feelings to mirror his so closely.

"What those boys have down there works for them. It might not seems necessary to have them down there, but it is."

"Then, what you've got is Carbine." The younger Martian snuffed a short laugh. "Good luck with that."

Luck was exactly what Stoker was going to need. After Rimfire left, he fished Cassie's letter out of his pocket and went to the bed, sinking down on the mattress. He tapped the letter against his open palm, studying the curls of fancy lettering spelling out Cassie's name on it. He couldn't explain why, but he was afraid to read it. What could Cassie have possibly wanted to say to him that she couldn't say when he was standing right in front of her?

"Damn it," he said under his breath, unfolding the paper.

_Stoker,_

_I know...writing a letter...what am I thinking. I swear, I don't normally do things like this. This isn't me. But then again, I hardly know who I really am anyway so who's to say it's not me. Sorry...rambling. There's a point to this. I promise._

_I'm not looking forward to learning how to do this whole "life" thing without you by my side. I wasn't good at it before, I'm not so sure I'll be good at it now. But wanted you to know what I could really figure out how to say._

_I wanted to thank you for helping me start the process of figuring out who I am, for helping me to understand that I don't really want to be what I am now. What I was doing, how I was coping with everything...I always knew it wasn't healthy but I never let myself think about how much I didn't want to be that kind of person. Not until you showed me that life could be so much more than what I was making of it._

_Your life is so full and intense. Moving through the ranks the way you did at such a young age, knowing what you wanted from your time with the army and having the strength to move on when you weren't getting it, having the strength to fight back after what those monsters did to you and what they made you do to your friends. The things you've seen, the things you've been through...and how you manage to still be fully confident in who you are…I want that. I want to live and be better than what I've made myself._

_If I would have never met you, I would have just kept doing what I was doing. I would have never thought it could be any better than what it was. But you showed me that there's no reason it can't be better._

_I love you so much. I love who you are, what you stand for. And I love that you've opened this world to me that's scary as hell...but I'm not afraid to walk in it._

_Be careful...be safe._

_Yours forever,_

_Cassandra Davidson_

Dread settled heavily in Stoker's stomach. Cassie knew about Karbunkle...and how he'd turned on his own kind because he'd been brainwashed. How he walked away from the Martian Army to fight on his own terms. How did she know any of that? He'd let her in, but not that far. The demons he'd kept pushed back where she couldn't touch them...and yet, she knew about them.

"Shit," he muttered. "If she knows that much…."

If she knew that much, he needed to get back to Earth and now, much sooner than later.

 

****BACK ON EARTH****

"You're still here?"

Cassie glanced up from the ad she was piecing together and smiled at Becky, the survey no-nonsense woman she'd helped hire to run the department store floor. "I wanted to have this finished before I left for the weekend. We have that new photographer coming in Tuesday so I'll need to spend all of Monday making sure that everything is ready to go."

"Well, don't work too late. I'm sending everyone home and locking up. Make sure you have Ted walk you out."

"I will. Thanks, Becky."

"You bet, honey."

She listened to the easy back-and-forth between Becky and the few remaining employees drift off, the holiday music spilling quietly from the overhead speakers following them out.

Though it would have been nice to go home, Cassie really did need to make sure things were just right. The last thing she wanted to do was come in on Monday to a list that was longer than she needed it to be. With Christmas coming at the end of next week, the store had been incredibly busy. It didn't offer her much downtime for small fires that popped up throughout the day. Anything left on her to-do list had the potential to become an issue she wouldn't have time to deal with or want to really deal with either.

And she loved it.

The quick, unforgiving pace that carried her through every day was different and kept her busy. It kept her distracted. And most importantly, it made her feel like she could shrug off the shell of who she once was to start fresh.

After another forty five minutes of work, Cassie looked over the layout with a tired but satisfied smile. She flipped the switch on her desk lamp off, pulled her coat off her chair and called it a night.

Outside of her office, a third of the overhead lights remained on, bathing the store in a low glow. Several thin Christmas trees stretched towards the ceiling, decked in gauzy blues and silvers, the white twinkle lights adding festive cheer.

Cassie adjusted the strap of her purse over her shoulder as she walked towards the front of the department store where the security desk was.

"Ted?"

"Over here, Ms. Davidson!" a voice called back, followed by the sound of a chain link door being pulled close. "On your way out?"

"Yeah, but I've got a ride coming." She reached over the counter top of the desk, snagging a handful of holiday candies from Ted's stash. "No need for an escort tonight."

Ted appeared from behind a display of suited mannequins - a tall, gangly man with ginger hair and a spray of freckles over the bridge of his nose. "You sure, Ms. Davidson?"

"Yup. Have a great weekend, Ted!"

"You too."

She waved over her shoulder, then pulled her coat tightly around her before stepping out into the cold. Large flakes were drifting down from the sky. The weather was calling for a larger system to move through later tonight, though it looked like it may have been starting up early.

Cassie glanced to the side, hearing a door open and watched a large man with jet black hair and a nightmarish purple suit leave the neighboring store, crossing to where a black town car waited, the door held by an inadequately dressed giant of a man with a thick jaw and red baseball cap.

The man in the purple suit looked her way and smiled in a way that made her skin crawl. She managed a polite smile in return before quickly looking away. She could feel his eyes on her still, felt the shift of energy in the atmosphere that signaled him moving her way.

"Hurry up and get here," she muttered, making a show of digging in her purse in an effort to look distracted. Headlights flashed to her left and she sighed in relief when Charley's jeep pulled up to the curb. The passenger window was down and Vinnie was grinning at her from the driver's seat.

"Hey there, beautiful. Need a ride?"

She nearly jerked the door off its hinges in her haste to get away from the strange man, muttering "drive" as she slammed it shut.

Instead of offering her his usual smart ass reply, Vinnie looked towards the man and a cloud passed over his face. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"You know that guy?

"Yeah," he replied, shifting the jeep into gear and cranking the wheel to the left before hitting the gas. Despite the snow, he maintained control of the jeep. He didn't speak again until he pulled out of the parking lot. "That was Limburger."

"Really? He's a lot creepier than I thought he'd be."

"You should see him without the mask."

Cassie's jaw dropped. "That was a mask?"

"He's an alien," he said dryly. "You really think he'd look that way?"

She made a sound of disgust, rolling her eyes. "Before I met you guys, I didn't even know aliens existed so forgive me if I'm not in the know on who you all look."

"Fair enough."

Cassie toed off her pumps and sank back in her seat. Her back was protesting the hours she'd spent hunched over her desk. Nothing sounded better to her than soaking in a tub until the water became tepid and enjoying a glass of wine. Except food. "Think Charley would mind if we picked up some Chinese?"

"She was still working when I left so I doubt it."

"Awesome. Swing by that one on the corner of 8th and Archer. I'll run in and get some supper for us."

They returned to the garage with enough food for a day or two of leftovers just as Charley was getting ready to lock up for the night.

"So, I'm not the only one working late today, hm?" Cassie asked. "We picked up takeout."

Charley pulled the door shut behind them. "You're an angel. Thank you so much."

"No problem, sis. How was work?"

"Long and boring. Sorry I didn't let you know I was sending Vin to get you. I was in the middle of a repair job I couldn't walk away from."

"She was far from disappointed," Vinnie boasted, flashing a charming grin.

Cassie elbowed him. "You really need to get over yourself. You going to open the garage tomorrow?"

"I was actually thinking about going to pick up a tree tomorrow. Want to come with?"

Cassie nearly dropped the food she was carrying in her excitement over Charley's unexpected response. "Are you serious? I was almost starting to wonder if you even celebrated Christmas! I absolutely want to go with you!"

Charley laughed at Cassie's exuberance but there was no way Cassie could help it. She couldn't remember the last time besides at her parents' house that she'd decorated for Christmas and it was her favorite holiday. Her apartment had always been remained free of any holiday décor. She'd made extra efforts to keep herself out of it, bar hopping and moving from one one-night stand to the next. That wasn't her life anymore, though.

This was her life now – with her sister and the guys. With her family.

Later that night, after eating way too much, Cassie retreated to the bathroom with a glass of wine and locked herself in, as planned. She filled the tub, dropped in a generous amount of scented bath salts, left her restrictive work clothes in a pile on the floor and slid into the steaming water with a long sigh, willing the stress away as the heat seeped into her muscles, soothing the aches.

After draining half her glass, she set it aside and dropped her head back, closing her eyes. She grasped the dog tags hanging around her neck, her thoughts drifting to Stoker. Holding what he gave her wile filling her head with him was a nightly ritual she took a great amount of comfort in. In the weeks that has passed since Vinnie had started shutting down his memories, it was a little unnerving that she still had trouble finding the ones that connected them through the day.

She always managed to at night though, when it was quiet and she was alone. They would come back to her in vivid detail, assuring her that she hadn't forgotten. Her heart would ache for him. It always ached for him. She was used to that.

But every so often her body would join in, taunting her with memories of his hands trailing over her skin, his teeth grazing her throat and making her gasp, his kisses driving rational thought from her mind.

Tonight was one of those nights.

She muttered a foul string of curses, snatching up her wine and draining it, then frowning over the fact that it was empty. Calling her sister for a refill probably wouldn't go over too well. And taking matters into her own hands would be a terrible idea with three beings on the other side of the door that had heightened senses and would know what she was up to before she'd even finished.

If she had any ounce of her former self left with the slough of troubling, unbalanced coping mechanisms, she'd put on something revealing and go find herself a distraction. That former self had been destroyed though so sexual frustration and longing it was.

Cassie soaked for a little bit longer, willing the unwanted tension away, then gave up with a heavy sigh. She pulled the drain and got out of the tub, wrapping a towel around herself and twisting her hair up in another before leaving the bathroom.

_I'll get another glass of wine, bring it to bed and read until I fall asleep._

She flipped the light switch on, expecting to be alone. Her heart slammed against her ribs with a rush of startled adrenaline when she saw that she wasn't.

"Hey sweetheart, didn't mean to scare ya," Vinnie said. He lay on her bed, legs crossed at the ankle, hands folded behind his head. He was a true picture of male arrogance.

Any other night she would have had some quick, witty response. She would have played into their easy back and forth without even thinking about it. The rush of adrenaline mixing with her current state of mind was a particularly lethal combination though, recognizing only the fact that there was an able-bodied man in her bed, she was in a towel and nothing past that.

She lifted a hand to where she knotted the towel, wrapping her hand tightly around the fabric. "Movie over already?"

Vinnie shrugged. "Lost interest. Enjoy your bath?"

"Sure." She turned towards her dresser to search for clothing, hyper aware of his presence. Apparently, her old self wasn't entirely gone. It had been lurking, waiting for a moment of weakness. "I think I'll be okay if you want to sleep in your own bed tonight."

"Babe, your bed's way more comfortable than mine. Besides, it's late."

"I know. But if you wanted to go, I wouldn't be offended." She tucked her underwear between the t-shirt and sweatpants she'd picked out, forced a smile to her lips and faced him. "I know I'm a complete bed hog."

He sat up, his grin fading. "You're not that bad. And you stopped unconsciously cold-cockin' me a while ago. Somethin' else goin' on you want to talk about?"

"I doubt it would be a good idea to talk about."

Vinnie stood and crossed the room. When his hands gently clasped her shoulders, she gritted her teeth. "What's goin' on, Cass?"

She took a deep breath and instantly regretted it. If there was one thing about Vinnie, it was that he always smelled amazing. She didn't know what it was but she'd caught a hint of it once or twice when walking by the colognes in the men's section of the department store. It was the kind of scent designed to weaken female inhibitions.

Cassie tightened her hand further around her towel, her knuckles going white. "It's nothing, Vinnie. It's just been a long week."

"Did something happen at work? Is it Limburger?"

"No, nothing like that." His concern was weakening her further. She could feel herself slipping.

_You're a horrible person. He truly cares and all you want to do right now is use him up so you can forget about Stoker for a bit._

Carefully, she placed a hand on his chest, ready to push him away and get a safer distance between them. "I think you need to go, Vinnie. I don't…trust myself at all right now."

Realization registered in his eyes. She waited for him to crack some horrible joke, to turn tail and run. She would have if she was him. But he stayed right where he was, his hands still on her shoulders.

"The only thing harder than missing someone so much that it physically hurts," he murmured in a low voice riddled with raw emotion, "is missing them when you're at your weakest. When you wish you could still touch them, hear their voice…have them back in your bed. I understand that pain you're goin' through more than I wish I did, Cass."

His hand traveled the length of her arm in a cautious caress – down, back up, over her collar bone. Shamefully, she leaned into his touch. The connection between them, their pain, longing and shared heartache was as tangible as the rapid pulse of her heartbeat.

"I thought this part of me was gone," she whispered.

"That part of us is never gone, sweetheart. Lust is a heartless, selfish bitch."

His hand circled the back of her neck as he leaned in and she let him. She let the hand meant to stop him slide lower over his muscular stomach and to his waist. "I need you to go, Vinnie. I need you to stop this because I can't right now."

"Would it be the worst thing? We're both just needing the physical connection, Cass. Neither of us is looking for anything more than that." Hearing his own words seemed to snap him back to reality. He jerked back, dropping his hand, looking like he'd seen a corpse. "Shit…I can't believe I just said that."

"It's okay," she tried to assure him.

"No…no, it's really not. I'm so sorry, Cassie. I should go. I need to go. I'm just…I haven't been with a woman in a really long time."

She didn't know what to say to that. She'd already told him she didn't think he should stay but now having him leave looking so panicked frightened her. "Vinnie, seriously, it's okay." She reached for his arm to stop him.

Another mistake.

She had no time to think, no time to react or stop him before his mouth was on hers.

_Stop! Stop Cassie! Don't do this!_

Her traitorous body refused to listen to the rational demands, her desire heightened by the hunger in his kiss. She grasped his arm, parted her lips and whimpered when he unforgivingly deepened the kiss, a strong arm circling her waist and crushing her body to his.

In one blissful moment, her mind went blank. She stopped thinking, stopped caring…she became a creature of wants and needs only. The territory was so familiar and comforting, the darkness welcoming her back like a long-lost friend. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she was in trouble but she was numb to so much now. Nothing hurt, her heart didn't feel like it was being torn apart, nothing existed beyond primal instinct and it was just as addictive now as it was before.

Vinnie abruptly pulled back and just as suddenly, rationality and shame flooded her system. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Cassie." He rested his forehead against hers, his brows furrowed. "That was a damn stupid thing to do."

She took a step back, putting a safe distance between them and he let her go, his arm dropping to his side. "You shouldn't stay here tonight," she whispered, her eyes begging him to leave before she did something she would regret even more.

He watched her for a long moment, silence stretching between them, then nodded, turned quickly and left, closing the door behind him.

Cassie sagged against the dresser, tears blurring her vision.

What the hell had she done?


	5. Chapter 5

It had been years since Vinnie had ever suffered through a monster hangover. Years since he'd felt the need to drink until he blacked out. He'd had enough PTSD from the war and his run in with the girl who's memories were wrapped in blood-soaked black satin to fear getting too drunk.

He wished now that he'd had enough sense to remember that last night before destroying a bottle of Gentleman Jack. He could only count himself incredibly lucky that nothing had come back to haunt him when his defenses were otherwise occupied taking care of some much needed self-induced release.

Goddess, there was no way he wanted to be dealing with a double-dose of mental anguish when the pounding in his head was already giving him fair warning that any bit of movement would have him running for the bathroom to vomit.

A gentle knock sounded at the door and Vinnie groaned as the pounding in his head slightly intensified. He swallowed, finding his mouth extremely dry, and managed to croak, "Come in."

Throttle walked in. He didn't say a word as he set a bucket on the bed beside Vinnie and a bottle of water and a cup of coffee on the nightstand. He fished a prescription bottle out of his vest pocket - Hydrocodone left over from when Charley had broken her middle and ring finger a year ago trying to replace a water pump on a giant diesel truck. She'd taken the meds for two days, then switched over to regular strength pain killers, giving them what was left with strict instructions to use it only when necessary.

"Saw the empty bottle of Jack," Throttle said, setting the pills down beside the water and leaving Vinnie to handle the rest himself.

He threw back two pills with only enough water to get them down his throat, took a careful sip of coffee and eased back. With any luck, the meds would kick in and give him some sort of relief from this hell. Though realistically, there was a piece of that hell the meds couldn't touch and one he knew he'd have to face.

Eventually, he'd have to talk to Cassie.

He groaned, rolling onto his side and pulling his pillow over his head. There was a conversation he didn't want to have. He owed her an apology but he didn't know how the hell to word a decent one. He'd acted on one of the most basic animal instincts, provoked by need and desire. She'd reacted on those same instincts. It had nothing to do with how they felt about one another, nothing to do with any deep, unrealized emotions. It was need, raw, simple and basic.

None of that made working up an apology sound any better. It actually sounded a hell of a lot worse.

He refused to move or think any more until he was certain the pain meds had kicked in and the persistent throbbing behind his eyes had subsided to a dull ache.

Cautiously, he opened his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief when the afternoon light didn't cause a lance of pain to his central cortex.

"Fuck if I ever drink that much again," he muttered, his voice gravel on a back country road. In the middle of a damn drought, he tagged on as an afterthought, reaching for the bottle of water. No cautions sips this time. He tilted his head back and drained the contents in five thirsty swallows, then closed his eyes and waited to see if his stomach would reject any of it.

When it didn't, he rolled out of bed and shuffled to his dresser for a pair of sweatpants, then left his room.

He needed a hot cup of coffee and Throttle, bless his do-right-by-others soul, had a cup ready for him at their beat up kitchen table where he sat, nursing his own mug with a foot propped up on the neighboring chair.

"Haven't seen you drink like that in years," he commented as he watched Vinnie fall into the chair across from him and take a long pull of steaming hot coffee without bothering to cool it.

"Pretty sure the last time you saw me do it was when I had royally screwed a situation."

"If memory serves."

Vinnie slid his chair back to recline in it and winced as the metal legs scraped across the bare concrete floor. "It's gonna be my 'I screwed shit up' M.O. I think. Kissed Cassie last night."  
"Know why?" Throttle asked, straight to the point without even a slight flinch of surprise.

"Been in her head too much. I know it's a shitty thing to do but she was all worked up. Could smell it all over her. Like walkin' into a damn brick wall. Ain't been with a woman in years so knowin' her fall back when she's not in a good place, I went for it without even thinkin'."

"Jeez, Vin," Throttle frowned, "What the hell? That's not like you at all."

Vinnie couldn't agree more. "Like I said - too much time in her head. You can't do what I'm doing without picking up a residual personality disorder."

Throttle processed that, turned it around a couple of times. "You able to pull back a bit and get your head cleared?"

Vinnie bit out a harsh laugh. "I sure as hell hope so. If I can't and she has to sort out the rest of all that mess on her own…"

He didn't want to think about what would happen if it came to that. Keeping things locked up took practice. He was still exerting himself to the point of drop-dead exhaustion repressing everything in her head into nice, neat, impossible-to-open boxes like messed up little party favors. And Cassie, for as hard as she was working at cautiously searching for her memories, still struggled with nightmares. They weren't at a point that he could just stop what he was doing and hope for the best.

He blamed Stoker.

"What the hell was Coach thinking?"

"Maybe he wasn't. Not clearly anyway." Throttle got up and went to the coffee pot for a refill. "He's been known to make some pretty dumbass decisions in the moment. The three of us can't claim much different."

Vinnie nodded at that, taking the hint and holding his cup out for a refill when Throttle silently offered. Kissing Cassie...that had been a dumbass decision. One he hadn't thought through at all.

A light banging echoed through the Scoreboard and Vinnie groaned, clasping his head between his hands. "Who ever bothers knocking?"

Setting his mug down, Throttle went to get it and returned a few minutes later, a timid Cassie in tow. _Because that's what I need right now_ , Vinnie thought, _the woman who was partly responsible for my drinking to compliment my hangover._ Goddess he was a cynical ass when he was down. "Hey, Cass. What brings you here?" he asked, making an attempt to offer a slightly welcoming smile.

She glanced at Throttle as she unzipped her stylish coat, a long plaid thing with fake fur around the hood and cuffs. "I ah...thought you and I should...talk. About yesterday."

"I'm gonna see if Charley needs any help at the garage," Throttle quickly offered. He dumped what was left of his coffee in a to-go cup, topped it off and made himself scarce, leaving a load of tension in his wake.

Vinnie released a sigh and motioned to the chair across from him. "Have a seat. Want coffee?"

"That'd be great, thanks."

She dropped her coat over the back of the chair next to her and sank down into the one he'd indicated, taking in her surroundings while waiting. Poor thing looked lost, like she didn't want to be there, preparing to have a conversation they both knew they couldn't avoid. It would have been a lot easier if they could. Nothing about them was easy, though.

Vinnie set a cup of steaming coffee in front of her, then sank back into his seat.

"You look like hell," Cassie muttered. "What did you do?"

"Drank...a lot," he answered honestly. "Way more than I should have."

She frowned and took a sip of her coffee. "Why?"

"Because that's my coping mechanisms for when I'm being a shitty friend."

"Vinnie." Cassie set her cup down and folded her hands on the table top. Her gaze was intense, something he couldn't avoid. "You're not a shitty friend."

"Oh, really?" He leaned forward, ready to challenge her, _wanting_ to challenge her. "I know your go-to, Cass. I know you're addicted to the blackouts any sexual encounter can give you. Knew it...didn't give two shits because I haven't had sex in years and you smelled like something I could bury myself in without thinking. I could tap right into that ability to black out and ride that high as good as you could. How does that make me a good friend?"

She sat back. Nothing about her face told him she'd been shocked by anything he'd said. His blows didn't make a dent in her determination. "What makes you a good friend is the fact that you didn't."

Vinnie scoffed. "I doubt Coach would see it the same way."

"It doesn't fucking matter if he does or not," Cassie shot back. "What matters is that I see it that way. Yeah, you could have been that guy. I've known enough of them. But you, Vinnie, are not one of those guys. You have the same shitty coping mechanisms though," she added with a smirk that gave him a shred of hope that they could salvage what they'd almost destroyed.

"Oh yeah? How'd you deal with it?"

Her smirk grew and a devious glint flashed in her eyes. "The battery operated route. Maybe try that next time?"

He couldn't help it. He laughed. "Shut up. And I did go that route...without the batteries. You chicks get all the fun stuff."

"They make toys for guys too. You just haven't looked hard enough."

They fell into a comfortable silence, quietly sizing each other up while sipping their coffee.

"I'm going to start seeing a therapist," Cassie murmured after a while. "I know that there's something really unhealthy about using sex to cope the way I do. It ranks up there with any other addiction. I'm fighting every urge to fall back on it with everything going on in my head and it's getting...really difficult. But living like I did...I've destroyed so many chances at healthy relationships, destroyed people's marriages, destroyed opportunities for a better life. I don't...want to go back to that."

Vinnie didn't say a word in response. He knew the extent of what her habit had given her. He'd seen those one-night stands play out over and over again, felt the guilt and self loathing in the aftermath and the desperation to seek out another partner to stop it, the chase for a rush that wouldn't last. He'd felt the detachment she managed to obtain with each encounter and it had unsettled him. He liked sex as much as the next guy...but he couldn't imagine living a life like that where love and emotional depth didn't exist even in the simplest form.

"Think that part of me is something you can lock up?" she asked. Her grin was lopsided but he could sense the hope in her words. Goddess, he hated to kill that off…

"I wish I could, doll. Trust me, if there was a way to do it, I would. But there's not. That's locking parts of you up. I do that, you start losing who you are." She opened her mouth to respond. He knew it would be some self-depreciating, sarcastic remark and held his hand up to stop it. "That would be a bad thing. You might not like that part of you, but it's a big part of who you are on more than just a basic level. It's not just some tiny piece of your identity. It's a huge chunk. One you've learned a lot from. Erasing that wouldn't help you in the slightest."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded, her eyes glassing over. "I hate this part of me, Vinnie," she confessed in a staggering whisper.

He pushed away from the table, hangover forgotten. He made it to her just as she shattered, her sob tearing straight through him. He pulled her into his arms. He could easily see the same scenario playing out with Stoker back in Wisconsin, sitting in the cab of McCyber's truck and being her anchor through the storm. He'd made her face her demons, just like Vinnie had.

She'd ran from them her whole life and they were all catching up, one after another, forcing her to deal with things she'd refused to before. Facing the death of her childhood friend, Andrew, had been one minor stick in a well-constructed dam. Taking on Stokers shit had blown the dam to shreds. And here she was in the aftermath, just trying to regain her footing.

"You go see a therapist," Vinnie said, stroking his hand over her hair. "Get the help you need. I'll keep doing what I'm doing. We're gonna get you through this and to a good place, doll. I promise."

She nodded against his chest. He picked her up and took her spot, settling her in his lap. It was a long time before he let her go.

 

****On Mars****

 

Stoker stood before the council, hands clasped behind his back, his nerves on edge. He hated all the red-tape bullshit he had to go through just to resign from his post but he had pride and that pride wouldn't allow him to just hijack a ship and leave Mars without looking back.

"I understand you've assigned a soldier to take over your responsibilities and ultimately replace you as commanding general upon your resignation?" the head chairman, an overweight, arrogant looking mouse with graying fur asked.

"Yes sir," Stoker responded.

To the head chairman's left sat Carbine, looking pensive. She hadn't made a secret out of the fact that she didn't approve of Stoker's decision. Not that he gave a damn. Her priority was and always had been the war. Her dedication had left her with little for companionship and a relationship that was extremely questionable at best. She'd refused to take over in his absence, calling him a million different types of fool for letting a woman "cloud his judgement."

But she'd kept her mouth shut to the council, a small blessing he was grateful for.

His replacement, Bice Castway, was enthusiastic and level headed, showing promise to withstand the strains of war. He was young enough to promise longevity but not so young that he didn't take his role and responsibilities seriously. And most importantly, all of Stoker's men respected him. Even Carbine grudgingly agreed that he'd be the perfect soldier to take over for Stoker.

"And you're sure," the man leaned forward, watching Stoker carefully, "that you want to resign your position permanently?"

"With all due respect, I've been fighting this war longer than most of those soldiers out there have been alive, sir. Pretty sure my tenure outranks yours. I've served well over my time and feel it best to have someone with a fresh perspective in charge. Someone who wouldn't fight the system so much and would probably tow a line far better than my stubborn tail did."

The older man's mouth twitched as if he were trying to fight back a smile. "I can't argue with that, General," he muttered, then turned his attention to the paperwork in front of him, pushing the narrow glasses on the bridge of his nose back to better review it. "Well, if you're certain this is what you want, there's no reason why your request can't be granted. As you said, you've logged more than enough years to earn yourself a well deserved retirement. You could have done so much earlier. General Stoker VanRotten, I hereby approve your application for retirement. Good luck, Soldier."

The chairman dismissed him with a pound of his gavel and Stoker saluted the council with sharp, military precision before turning on his heal and walking out of the chambers, fighting every instinct to run like hell. With his retirement in the rear-view, that left one last hurdle to get over before he could get back to Earth - commandeering a ship to get there. It would have to be one of the old ones, a hunk of metal few felt confident enough to fly and one not a single mouse would miss having around. There were a few in the bay that would work just fine with a tune up and a few mechanical upgrades he was more than capable of doing.

"Stoker."

He grimaced at the sound of his name but didn't stop walking. "You wanna talk, Carbine, then you're gonna need to keep up. I've got places to be."

He heard her sigh of disgust before the footsteps behind him quickened. She appeared next to him seconds later, huffing another sigh just so he would understand how annoyed she was with him.

"So you're just what? Out of here as soon as you can get out of here?"

"Basically, yeah."

She followed him into his barracks, slamming her hand against the switch to close the door. Her irritation was starting to wear on him something fierce.

"Is she that important to you? More important than your home?"

He whipped around to face her and ground his teeth together when she was her standing there, arms crossed over her chest and that superior look on her face that she used on almost everyone to convey her rank. "I don't have to defend my decisions to you, Carbine. Actually," he couldn't resist angling her a cocky smirk, "I don't have to defend my decision to anyone anymore."

"Regardless of how purely selfish they are," Carbine snarled.

"Call 'em what you want. Fact is, I've been puttin' enough of what everyone else wants in front of what I want for long enough. I have a chance to live a life with this woman and I'm takin' it because last time I didn't and I regretted the hell outta that." He turned from her and went to the bed where his half packed bag waited. He ignored Carbine as he shoved the rest of his belongings into the bag, zipped it closed and slung the strap over his shoulder.

"Wow, you really can't get out of here soon enough, can you?"

There was an undercurrent to her words, words meant to sting and hide how much his leaving was upsetting her. He barely caught it. But it was there. He stopped in front of her, resting a hand on her shoulder. "A word of advice, General. Quit makin' this war your top priority."

Carbine's eyes narrowed, glinting with repressed rage. "I want the war over, Stoker. Just as badly as you do."

"Then quit puttin' it first. You want it over, give yourself a reason to fight for an end to it. Not a reason to keep fightin' it. You got a good man who has no idea where he stands with you. The fact that he's still tryin' to figure it out says a lot about him. I wouldn't have that level of patience, obviously." He nudged his bag with his elbow. "But Throtte's a different kinda man. And he deserves a hell of a lot more than what you're not givin' him."

It was a low blow, but someone had to make it. The girl had to know that her mindset needed a hard rewire before it was too late. He pulled her into a one armed hug that she went into stiffly, refusing to give in and let her facade crack.

"Take care, Carbine."

She didn't respond in kind. He didn't expect her to. With a brisk pat on her shoulder, he walked away without glancing back. He had a ship to get running and a long ass trip ahead of him.


End file.
